Human afterall
by Tarika Nachtwind
Summary: Just a short, sweet story I had to write as it was stuck in my head. JC and a foolish Captain.


_Disclaimer: I don't own anything, except the story. Although I am not even sure I own it, as I think almost everybody has a story like this in his/her head once in a while. _;)_  
_

_AN: Please r&r and enjoy the story! _

Human after all

She tossed and turned in her bed as she just couldn't find any sleep. There was something on her mind that kept nagging her and keeping her awake for hours now. She tried to read, but her eyes blurred with the lack of sleep.

The smell of freshly brewed coffee crept through her mind, but she brushed it aside, it wasn't as if she didn't _want_ to go to sleep.

Finally the persistent thought managed to surface for a fraction of a second. It was about something or rather someone on the other side of her wall. The way he had smiled at her today...

Long training kicked in and pushed that thought out of her mind, it hesitated, then retreated to her sub conscience.

She blinked once, twice, turned around once more and went to sleep at last.

It was 0330 hours, 150 minutes until the next morning...

Captain Janeway swept onto the bridge with a radiant smile and dancing eyes, wishing everybody a wonderful day. Yes, she had been tired, but it was nothing a large cup of coffee and memories of pleasant dreams can't cure. Pleasant dreams? She couldn't even recall what they had been about, or could she? She had a distant feeling that they were about someone, but could it be...

She sat down in her chair, but soon started fidgeting. The closeness of Chakotay made her nervous.

Kathryn finally gave up and fled to the sanctuary of her ready room, in part to escape the looks of the bridge crew especially those of a certain first officer, in part because she hoped that some work would take her mind of...of him?

She sighed, when she sat down behind her desk and eyed the mountain of PADDs that needed to be read. Reading the reports had exactly the effect Kathryn had desired, so she was really startled when her door chimed. It had to be Chakotay.

"Come in", she croaked while she unsuccessfully tried not to blush.

"We will arrive at the moon in less than 50 minutes and I wanted to talk to you about the team I am going to take on the away mission."

Away mission? Oh, she had completely forgotten about it. Her smile faded away, she paled slightly. For a couple of femtoseconds an image of him lying dead in a crushed shuttle invaded her thoughts, but she shook them off.

Chakotay looked at her concerned. "Are you okay?", he asked gently.

"I'm fine. It's just... I have a bad feeling about this."

"Usually it is I who has those kind of feelings." He laughed. "Are you jealous that I can go, while Tuvok told you a captain's place is on the ship?"

"You know me far too well, my first officer. How come you always get the fun and I have to sit behind my desk and read reports? It is entirely unfair! ... We should switch places. You can be the lonely, miserable, ship bound captain for a change." Her eyes twinkled with mirth.

"Ah, I think the crew would get utterly confused, with me suddenly being the strict and mighty captain and you the easy-going first officer, who has to mediate between the crew and the captain. You would have them scared by less than half an hour", he teased.

She made a face. "Am I really that bad?"

He turned serious again. "No, they truly admire you. As for the away mission, it is safer than some others. The moon is only inhabitant by smaller creatures, the atmosphere is lovely and it promises to help us stock up in our deuterium supply. You know, we need it badly."

"I know", she muttered.

"I hoped you would join me for dinner, when I come back." He smiled at her inquiringly.

Her eyes didn't rise to meet his, but lingered on the PADD that was still in her hand. His right hand came in view and covered hers. She looked up in his pleading eyes and almost drowned in them.

"I am looking forward to tonight, then." Her special crooked smile enlightened her face.

"I'll try to be back as soon as possible!"

"Don't let it interfere with your work, Commander!"

"Never, I'll take Seven with me, she is known for perfection." They both exchanged knowing smiles.

"Granted. Who else?"

"Ensign McKay from the science department and Lieutenant Smith from security."

"Who is piloting?"

"Er, I thought about myself...", he trailed off.

"Take Tom"

"But..."

"That's an order! You know, I don't want our dinner to be canceled because I didn't take enough care of you." An awkward silence followed.

"Well, see you this evening."

"Yeah, see you." The door closed behind Chakotay.

Two hours later, Kathryn again was roused from her work, this time it was the voice of Ensign Kim over the comm: "We have lost communications with the shuttle."

Captain Janeway was already halfway through the door. "What happened", her voice was brisk.

"I don't know. A storm appeared out of nowhere and suddenly there was static..."

"Can you beam them up?"

"No Ma'am. We can't detect them anywhere!"

"Oh, no!", she whispered. "Can we send another shuttle?"

"No, Captain, we don't know what happened to the away team and there are several storms closing in where they were haded. Another shuttle would be in grave danger", Tuvok replied.

"What about beaming down?"

"Technically we could do that, but there are still those storms. There is no point in endangering more people of our crew." Tuvok look at her sternly. "We should wait for a couple of hours."

It could be too late by then, Kathryn thought. Then she panicked. Pictures kept closing in on her. Pictures of him lying in a puddle of his own blood. Pictures of her sending of his coffin into the dark, cold space without ever telling him ... what? ... that she loved him? Her eyes grew wide with sudden understanding. Yes, she loved him!

She slowly made her way to the turbo lift. "I'll be in engineering with B'Elanna. You have the bridge, Tuvok."

When the doors of the lift finally opened, she ran to the transporter room.

"Lieutenant, please beam me down to the moon's surface, the coordinates the shuttle was hading. She tried to appear calm and rationally.

The Lieutenant shrugged, did his duty and soon she felt the familiar tingle.

When she appeared on the surface, it dawned to her that she had just made a grave mistake. She didn't bring any med kit and wouldn't be of any help in getting her crewmen to safety when they were severely injured. "Next time think, before you rush to help", she chided herself.

Suddenly the storm hit her hard. She gritted her teeth. She had to find shelter, somewhere. So she started to walk. The wind took her breath away, forcing her on her knees. No, she thought, no, I will find Chakotay at least. With that she got up again and slowly, very slowly walked on.

A gust of wind all of a sudden lifted her in the air and spat her back on the ground with extreme force. Kathryn couldn't do anything about it. She crashed on the ground and knew no more.

She groaned. She slowly opened her eyes. Everything was fuzzy, in front of her as well as in her thoughts . Blinking several times, she finally identified the shape that was hovering above her. "Doctor?"

"Oh, our hero is awake? They say they usually die young, so you can be lucky that Commander Chakotay found you before it was too late and that you once had the sense to allow me to be your CMO. What drove you to beam down in a storm all by yourself?"

When she didn't answer, he shook his head. "Hmmmph, Doctor to Chakotay", he slapped his comm badge, "she is awake."

Chakotay rushed in only some minutes later. He looked angrier than she had ever seen him. "What has gotten into you?" He came to stand next to her and could hardly restrain himself from shaking her. "Why where you on the moon? During that storm? Alone? You could have died! You almost did. Can't you listen to Tuvok or myself for once? We could have lost you! Don't you care?"

She looked at him unbelievingly. "You, you are alive? I...I thought..." She clasp one hand over her mouth, silent tears running down her cheeks.

His anger melted away. His right hand took hers, while his left hand slowly began to stroke her hair. "Shh, it's okay. After we landed ... well ... a little forcefully because of the wind, we soon found a cave to hide in as the storms grew stronger. That is why you couldn't detect us, anymore. Nobody was seriously injured and a second landing party could even stock up on our deuterium supply after the storms did quiet down."

"I'm really sorry!" She never felt so humiliated in her life. "I know it was very stupid and I acted foolishly. I don't know what had gotten into me. I, I just panicked. I thought you might die and I would never see you again, talk to you..."

"So the mighty starfleet captain has weaknesses after all?"

"Oh, stop it, Chakotay, I am only human."

"You know what, human Kathryn Janeway?" He smiled. "I love you."

"I love you, too", Kathryn whispered and looked up to see his eyes fill with tears.

His lips gently brushed over hers.

"Ahem", the doctor had kept himself in the background, smiling taking in what enfolded before his very eyes. "It is all very well, but my patient needs to rest."

"Oh, good night then sweetheart. But please, never ever scare me like that again!"

"I won't, I promise." With a smile on her face she went to sleep, hardly feeling his lips on her forehead, as he bade her good night.

**Finis**


End file.
